Guys are often compared to animals. You have your dogs, your pigs and the occasional pussy.. cat. Comparing men to their animal counterparts fools women into thinking two things: one, that they’ve got men figured out to a behavioral science and two, that, like animals, men can be trained. But as the dog whisperer will tell you, you can’t go into this blind; you need a program. Below you will find the steps necessary to train your man into the most obedient, loyal, foul-smelling, drool-filled boyfriend. Want to know how to train your boyfriend? Read on the follow tips from Alex Wise – a relationship coach from Loveawake dating site.
Remember learning about Pavlov and his classical conditioning? (You know, the experiment with the dog, the bell, the treat and the drool..) He was obviously on to something, right? Behaviorism isn’t just for dogs and children.. it’s your key to happy relationship.
Reward by adding something good
Just like the doggy gets a treat, your boyfriend gets your vagina. Ok, I’m exaggerating. If you put it all up at once, what weapon are you going to have when you want to train him to do a really BIG trick? Start small. Consider letting him spend Sunday with his friends, or go to a really bad sports game with him.. or give him a hand job – move your way up.
Reward by removing something bad
Threaten, threaten, threaten. This will get your very far in a relationship. Consider using the age-old trick: “If you do this, I won’t do that.” Use something he hates like, for example, how you call him 30 times a day. Tell him you’ll stop if he does what you want. Make sure to pick something he’d be willing to sell his left ball for. Works. Every. Time.
Punish by adding something bad
There are a few things men cannot stand. Adding those things as a method of punishment is super effective. Remember when you were a kid and when you got in trouble your parents made you do chores? Exactly. Make him go buy you Vagisil, Preparation H, Super Max Flow tampons, adult diapers and a douche. That’ll fucking teach him.
Punish by removing something good
Your vagina. He will do anything to keep it. Use it; it is the strongest weapon you will ever have in your possession. Treasure it and don’t let it loose until he’s earned it back.
Use the above methods and you will secure success. Before you know it, you will have the most obedient pup on the block. You can even consider adding rhinestones to his leash.. Every gal around will want to know how much you paid Cesar Millan to come train your man.
Now, for the Reality Slap!
If anything above excited you, slap yourself in the face. Yes, behavioral psychology works. It works on children and it works on dogs. It works on those who rely on you to learn and if you’re a good person, you don’t use these tricks to your sole advantage. Your boyfriend is a big boy and often times he’s not ‘loyal’ because he doesn’t want to be; it’s not that he never learned how.
Using manipulation is a sick, desperate way to fool yourself into thinking things are better than they are. If your man isn’t as romantic as you want him to be – and romance is non negotiable for you – then SPEAK UP. If that doesn’t do it, WALK AWAY. You can’t wave your vagina in front of him as an incentive.
It’s true that relationships can often change men for the better. But in order for that to happen, the man has to do it on his own or with your blatant help – not discrete, conniving, manipulative methods. He has to want to change and in order for him to want to change, he has to know what to change.. And he can only know what to change if you TELL HIM.
So yes, your vagina is as tempting as a doggy treat when it comes to learning a new trick. But just as the treat will go stale, so will your vagina. The day will come that you’ll have nothing to tease him with and like a trance, he’ll snap out of the so-called ‘learned behavior’ and go find someone who doesn’t compare him to a four-legged creature.